Out of Commission

I don't like this.

Lately I feel out of place. I'm not myself at all. I feel depressed, down, sad, quiet, unhappy, all things opposite of my natural optimistic self. It's coming out when I speak to people, too. I've been giving sheepish smiles and condensed answers when people talk to me. I don't talk to people with the same tone and mood as I usually do and I feel like it's slowly pushing everyone away. Rightfully so... who wants to be around negative energy? I certainly wouldn't, that's why I live a positive life.

I kind of feel like my dad is the same way with me, too.

Today we did an old school Indian tradition where we circle chili peppers around my dad's head and throw them in a fire to symbolize the burning of all things evil. It's a way to ward off the evil eye and send our prayers to God. Now I'm not really one to be religious but right now, I'm taking to anything that will give me hope for my dad and his future. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

I think I'm losing myself.