So on Sunday we had this epic good luck BBQ for my dad with all our friends and family. There was a little girl there named Zaria and she amazed me. This girl is 8 years old and has more intelligence than I've seen in some adults.
This is the conversation we had:
Z: So what's wrong with your dad?
N: He's very sick and has to go through a long process to get better.
Z: What kind of sickness does he have?
N: He has a disease where things are growing inside his body and these things aren't letting his body work properly.
Z: I know what that is. Your dad has cancer, doesn't he?
Maybe it's just me, but the way she approached it was so mature. This girl has gone through a lot in her life so I'm not surprised she knows more than the average 8 year old, but I didn't realize the extent. I hope this girl goes far; she's a gem.
Anyway, dad has his first round of chemo today and it went very well. We went in at 8:45 and they hooked him up to these fluids right away to keep his kidneys hydrated. At 12, they started the actual meds which lasted for 2 hours and then continued the hydration. He was home by 4 and felt perfectly fine, as though he didn't just experience one of life's most difficult challenges. My dad's a gangster.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Vexation
IGKNAD;GBINA;RIHNAR;OINA;TG A
For some unknown, stupid reason, my e-mail was disabled by Google for the last two days. I couldn't blog, sign into YouTube, access my own goddamn e-mails... NOTHING. Finally it came back just now.
Anyway, dad's starting chemo on Tuesday. He's going to have to go once a week all day for 18 weeks straight. He won't be done 'til December 28th. Luckily, if all goes well, he'll be better by the new year and good to go for his birthday on January 4th.
The most memorable thing that happened was he asked me to create a Facebook page to update everyone about his situation. I did last night and it's up to 180 followers today. Amazing!!!
I hope all goes well for the next few weeks.
For some unknown, stupid reason, my e-mail was disabled by Google for the last two days. I couldn't blog, sign into YouTube, access my own goddamn e-mails... NOTHING. Finally it came back just now.
Anyway, dad's starting chemo on Tuesday. He's going to have to go once a week all day for 18 weeks straight. He won't be done 'til December 28th. Luckily, if all goes well, he'll be better by the new year and good to go for his birthday on January 4th.
The most memorable thing that happened was he asked me to create a Facebook page to update everyone about his situation. I did last night and it's up to 180 followers today. Amazing!!!
I hope all goes well for the next few weeks.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Philophobia
There's a certain someone who has filed a request for my heart, but I am afraid of letting him have it. It's a poisonous concoction of insecurity, fear, desire, and anxiety that I just need to swallow and get over with. If I do, I could be very happy.
If.
This song just makes sense right now.
Jazmine Sullivan - Lions, Tigers, Bears
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim across the seas,
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Most circumstances I know my fate
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend?
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be
Fly across the ocean, sing for the Queen,
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
I'm not sure no, I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to have loved than not to loved at all
But trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if we do?
I'd rather it be with you
'Cause at least there will be
Sweet memories
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Perhaps one day, I will let my guard down, face my fears, close the distance and meet my fate. Hopefully before it's too late.
If.
This song just makes sense right now.
Jazmine Sullivan - Lions, Tigers, Bears
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we're meant to be
I can climb mountains, swim across the seas,
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Most circumstances I know my fate
But in this love thing, I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend?
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be
Fly across the ocean, sing for the Queen,
But the most frightening thing is you and me
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
I'm not sure no, I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to have loved than not to loved at all
But trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if we do?
I'd rather it be with you
'Cause at least there will be
Sweet memories
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears [oh no]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair [that's right]
But I'm scared of [loving you]
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Perhaps one day, I will let my guard down, face my fears, close the distance and meet my fate. Hopefully before it's too late.
Trepidation
I decided I'm going to San Diego. I'll come back if they need me, which I doubt they will anyway. This is something I absolutely must to do for myself and each day that passes reinforces my need to go.
I'm getting ridiculously excited for it, too! I've been online shopping for my dorm things and I cannot wait to move in and put the place together. I've been talking with my roommates more today and they seem like great girls. I have a feeling we're all going to get along amazingly well.
Really though, that's the most exciting thing I can talk about for What's Up Wednesday. Sorry for the bluntness of this entry but I'm headachy. :/
I'm getting ridiculously excited for it, too! I've been online shopping for my dorm things and I cannot wait to move in and put the place together. I've been talking with my roommates more today and they seem like great girls. I have a feeling we're all going to get along amazingly well.
Really though, that's the most exciting thing I can talk about for What's Up Wednesday. Sorry for the bluntness of this entry but I'm headachy. :/
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Intersection
AAAAHHH so my housing information updated right at midnight and I now know who my roommates are. Well, not really. I know their names, hometowns, and phone numbers. Like the junkie I am, I added each on Facebook so get a head start on creating lifelong friendships. I just hope they're laid-back and cool. The last thing I need are wack roommates all throughout college.
Fingers crossed!
Fingers crossed!
Idiosyncrasy
I'm going to attempt to stay true to my daily blog themes as much as possible.
Let's delve right into Tuned in Tuesdays. My topic: west coast vs. east coast hip-hop.
A lot of people will say, "you're a small town girl, what do you know about rap?" Well, dear friends, I know more than you think. ;) Lately, I've been listening to a looot of rap and getting in touch with my gangster side. Something about rap just draws me in. I think it's the manner of conveying thoughts into a flowing poetic stream of words that match a beat and rhythm. It's an artform; creative and not so easily done. I appreciate its uniqueness and it's revolution from the 80s into today. Like the LMFAO song said, "They said that rap was a fad/but it surpassed rock and roll."
In the early to late 90s, there was a bit of a conflict between the east and west. It was very prevalent then but kind of died down because you don't see too much of the tension today. Then again, you don't see too many west coast rappers nowadays anymore. I won't get too involved in the history because I myself don't know it completely.
But this does leave an open question... what IS the major difference between west and east coast rap?! After much research and experienting, I've come to a conclusion. The wesy focuses on the musical aspect whereas the east favors the lyrical. If you don't believe be, play a Dr. Dre song and then play a Nas song and you will see. West coast rappers and producers experiment greatly with sounds and instruments, Dr. Dre especially. Every song that man has produced has some sort of usical element which makes them hits. Straight up, what other rappers can have crotales playing their riff and STILL be hard core? West coast hip-hop has a very broad use of melodies and harmonies but lyricaly, ehhh they're a little dry. This isn't to say that all west coast rappers are dry in the mouth. The Game and Crooked I are two very lyrial west coast rappers who can get the music as well as the proper wording down to a T. But that's what, two out of how many? Don't get me wrong, I will ALWAYS love the Snoops like "Gs up, hoes down while you motherfuckers bounce to this." but I will admit, it's not the most poetic of all verses.
East coast hip-hop, on the other hand, is VERY lyrically oriented. A lot of east coast rappers tell stories, Biggie, Nas and Immortal Technique being just a few of the many. Each verse, each bridge, each line is so well-written and straight from the minds of people who have experienced life before the gae of 20. Rappers like Jay, Loso, Biggie, Budden, Wu-Tang Clan, even Q-Tip plus the earlier mentioned all have such clever and effective ways of manipulating the English language in their favor. Anyone who appreciates rap can agree that the east is full of literar geniuses. Musically, though, is a little lacking. If I'm in a zoned out mood, I will listen to east coast rap for the lyrics alone. If I'm in an upbeat mood, I'll turn to something else. I'm not saying they completely lack it, but as compared to the west, the east is clearly more focused on spitting deep lines than they are writing captive hooks. The only rapper I will give major props to is Mos Def; with his interesting array of sound mixed with his symbolic verses, that man is every hipster's gangster escape.
It's a funny situation and reminds me a LOT of that one episode of Hey Arnold! where Dino Spumoni and his lyricist Don Reynolds split up. Dino Spumoni can come up with the most seductive and catching of all tunes, but sucks at the wordage. Don Reynold, on the other hand, has put poetry in motion but has a mediocre and boring beat. Put the two together and they are each other's backbone! I'm surprised there weren't too many collabos between the east and west. They probably could have created gold. One supergrooup that does seem to combine both very well is Slaughterhouse. Every song of theirs has both elements on point. But that's probably because it's a group comprised of a west coast rapper, two east coast rappers and a midwesterner.
Speaking of which, I can't neglect the up and coming midwest hip-hop. The midwest successfully combines beautiful lyrics with catchy tunes that bring them to be another great clan of musicians. Kanye, Lupe, Common, Em... all amazing rappers who have demonstrated an intelligent use of words with a great rhythm to go alonh. Lupe Fiasco is my MOST FAVORITE rapper of all time because, not to be cliche, is real. He and Common can both say what they need to say without lessening their intellect which I think is an important attribute missing in today's music industry. It makes me sad that Lupe is retiring after his next album is released. The rap game needs more souls like him for us avid thinkers who appreciate a scholar.
Since I touched on the midwest, it's only fair I shout out the south's contribution, too. The south has produced some legendary musicians like the Ying Yang twins, Luda, Rick Ross, of course Weezy, Nelly, Mystikal. These rappers remind me of the westerners; catchy but don't say too much. Lil Wayne is probably the only one who has that metaphorical swagger down, but does he ever say much more than "get money and pussy" in a clever way? Some songs, yes, but not too many. As for the rest, they can spit it cleverly, but they never really do say too much.
All in all, each coast and region has their strengths and weaknesses which make them unique and great in their own way. No one region is better than the next because none of them have it ALL. This is my take on the hip-hop game. You may agree, you may not, you may think I need schooling, or you may think I need to stick to my guns. No matter the case, let me have it. :)
Let's delve right into Tuned in Tuesdays. My topic: west coast vs. east coast hip-hop.
A lot of people will say, "you're a small town girl, what do you know about rap?" Well, dear friends, I know more than you think. ;) Lately, I've been listening to a looot of rap and getting in touch with my gangster side. Something about rap just draws me in. I think it's the manner of conveying thoughts into a flowing poetic stream of words that match a beat and rhythm. It's an artform; creative and not so easily done. I appreciate its uniqueness and it's revolution from the 80s into today. Like the LMFAO song said, "They said that rap was a fad/but it surpassed rock and roll."
In the early to late 90s, there was a bit of a conflict between the east and west. It was very prevalent then but kind of died down because you don't see too much of the tension today. Then again, you don't see too many west coast rappers nowadays anymore. I won't get too involved in the history because I myself don't know it completely.
But this does leave an open question... what IS the major difference between west and east coast rap?! After much research and experienting, I've come to a conclusion. The wesy focuses on the musical aspect whereas the east favors the lyrical. If you don't believe be, play a Dr. Dre song and then play a Nas song and you will see. West coast rappers and producers experiment greatly with sounds and instruments, Dr. Dre especially. Every song that man has produced has some sort of usical element which makes them hits. Straight up, what other rappers can have crotales playing their riff and STILL be hard core? West coast hip-hop has a very broad use of melodies and harmonies but lyricaly, ehhh they're a little dry. This isn't to say that all west coast rappers are dry in the mouth. The Game and Crooked I are two very lyrial west coast rappers who can get the music as well as the proper wording down to a T. But that's what, two out of how many? Don't get me wrong, I will ALWAYS love the Snoops like "Gs up, hoes down while you motherfuckers bounce to this." but I will admit, it's not the most poetic of all verses.
East coast hip-hop, on the other hand, is VERY lyrically oriented. A lot of east coast rappers tell stories, Biggie, Nas and Immortal Technique being just a few of the many. Each verse, each bridge, each line is so well-written and straight from the minds of people who have experienced life before the gae of 20. Rappers like Jay, Loso, Biggie, Budden, Wu-Tang Clan, even Q-Tip plus the earlier mentioned all have such clever and effective ways of manipulating the English language in their favor. Anyone who appreciates rap can agree that the east is full of literar geniuses. Musically, though, is a little lacking. If I'm in a zoned out mood, I will listen to east coast rap for the lyrics alone. If I'm in an upbeat mood, I'll turn to something else. I'm not saying they completely lack it, but as compared to the west, the east is clearly more focused on spitting deep lines than they are writing captive hooks. The only rapper I will give major props to is Mos Def; with his interesting array of sound mixed with his symbolic verses, that man is every hipster's gangster escape.
It's a funny situation and reminds me a LOT of that one episode of Hey Arnold! where Dino Spumoni and his lyricist Don Reynolds split up. Dino Spumoni can come up with the most seductive and catching of all tunes, but sucks at the wordage. Don Reynold, on the other hand, has put poetry in motion but has a mediocre and boring beat. Put the two together and they are each other's backbone! I'm surprised there weren't too many collabos between the east and west. They probably could have created gold. One supergrooup that does seem to combine both very well is Slaughterhouse. Every song of theirs has both elements on point. But that's probably because it's a group comprised of a west coast rapper, two east coast rappers and a midwesterner.
Speaking of which, I can't neglect the up and coming midwest hip-hop. The midwest successfully combines beautiful lyrics with catchy tunes that bring them to be another great clan of musicians. Kanye, Lupe, Common, Em... all amazing rappers who have demonstrated an intelligent use of words with a great rhythm to go alonh. Lupe Fiasco is my MOST FAVORITE rapper of all time because, not to be cliche, is real. He and Common can both say what they need to say without lessening their intellect which I think is an important attribute missing in today's music industry. It makes me sad that Lupe is retiring after his next album is released. The rap game needs more souls like him for us avid thinkers who appreciate a scholar.
Since I touched on the midwest, it's only fair I shout out the south's contribution, too. The south has produced some legendary musicians like the Ying Yang twins, Luda, Rick Ross, of course Weezy, Nelly, Mystikal. These rappers remind me of the westerners; catchy but don't say too much. Lil Wayne is probably the only one who has that metaphorical swagger down, but does he ever say much more than "get money and pussy" in a clever way? Some songs, yes, but not too many. As for the rest, they can spit it cleverly, but they never really do say too much.
All in all, each coast and region has their strengths and weaknesses which make them unique and great in their own way. No one region is better than the next because none of them have it ALL. This is my take on the hip-hop game. You may agree, you may not, you may think I need schooling, or you may think I need to stick to my guns. No matter the case, let me have it. :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Joyride
How AWESOME is this bike I built on urbanoutfitters.com?!
Can you picture me riding this from class to class and along the beaches in San Diego? Oh, how blissful life would be. I'm getting this bike one way or another. Count on it.
Can you picture me riding this from class to class and along the beaches in San Diego? Oh, how blissful life would be. I'm getting this bike one way or another. Count on it.
Phantasm
Blogging is just so necessary right now. I have far too many thoughts and I need to learn to articulate them effectively. To help me do this, I'm organizing my days.
Missive Mondays: a day dedicated to talking about the current happenings of the world and my thoughts on them.
Tuned-In Tuesdays: a day dedicated to anything music related.
What's Up Wednesdays: the most exciting things going on in my life that week.
This is Sparta Thursdays: things I feel like shouting. ;)
Fabulous Fridays: things that are just fabulous and worth blogging about.
Spare Me Saturday and Sunday: whatev days.
DOUBT I'll follow this but it's nice to have a plan!
Missive Mondays: a day dedicated to talking about the current happenings of the world and my thoughts on them.
Tuned-In Tuesdays: a day dedicated to anything music related.
What's Up Wednesdays: the most exciting things going on in my life that week.
This is Sparta Thursdays: things I feel like shouting. ;)
Fabulous Fridays: things that are just fabulous and worth blogging about.
Spare Me Saturday and Sunday: whatev days.
DOUBT I'll follow this but it's nice to have a plan!
Indebtedness
A very happy raksha bhandan to all my brothers out there.
I'm so lucky to have an endless supply of brotherly love in my life. Thank you for the consistent protection you provide.
<3
I'm so lucky to have an endless supply of brotherly love in my life. Thank you for the consistent protection you provide.
<3
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tergiversation
On a different note, I've been debating a lot about the righteousness of the Ground Zero Mosque lately. It's a touchy topic but I think I'm getting in tune with my more conservative side on this one.
Abridged, I disagree with its construction. Why? Let's get some factual information before we continue.
The actual mosque was in the works prior to the September 11th attack and isn't planned to be built at Ground Zero itself but roughly two blocks away from the hallowed ground. It will not solely be a mosque but also a pretty lavish community gathering place for Muslims complete with all things community-friendly and for this, I will refer to it as a cultural center. The CC is intended to be a Muslim institution but will instead be run by a board of members of all different religions. Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf, the founder and brains behind this project, believes the center will "amplify the nature of [their] work."
Seems harmless, so why oppose it?
I'm going with a different route. I have NO problem with Muslims wanting to celebrate their religion and culture with a center dedicated for people in New York City to utilize. I do, however, have an issue with the nature of the project. This is purely opinion here, but I don't think the true essence of this center is really there anymore. As an idea, I believe it STARTED as a plan for the Muslim people to have a place to exercise their Islamic beliefs safely, but as radical (and even non-radical) Americans learned of this project, the controversy took away from the original meaning. As expected, many Americans do not want to see a mosque be put up just mere feet from the ground where thousand of innocent civilians died from an alleged Muslim terrorist attack. (I say alleged because to this day, we have not received any actual proof of Muslims being behind it and so I will remain politically correct.) They see it as a slap in the face, as almost a surrender to terrorists and Muslims alike (because half this nation sees them as the same thing anyway.) And honestly, it almost is. You wouldn't put a swastika near a historical concentration camp, would you? This is rowing in the same boat.
But that's not why I oppose the center. Like I said before, some people are absolutely radical. They are so politically hard-headed that they will go to great lengths to get their point across. Hitler, bin Laden, Stalin, Castro, all radical political leaders who led nations to do carry out the things they believed. I understand there are not many like that, but there are enough to put an entire community in danger. If this center is built, every Muslim who attends is in severe danger of being victimized by a radical. It only takes one to cause destruction. Just one.
If this center is built, it will only be done to be politically correct. It's less about the betterment of the Muslim community and more about making a point that America is "friendly to all peoples". It just doesn't seem worth it, to be honest. I'd rather not put millions of people in danger just to preserve the caliber of the constitution.
Obama seems to agree with me. I'm not trying to defend the guy in everything he does, but this particular situation I will. One speech, he seemed to favor the project and the next speech, he didn't. Sounds very John Kerry-esque, no? What many people seemed to miss was that in the first speech, Obama agreed with the RIGHT of the Muslims to build the center, yet in the next, he did not agree with the morality. His first speech's point was about their political and constitutional right to built a religious prayer ground, which I will agree is a little redundant and unnecessary because that wasn't really the issue. His next speech questioned the saintliness of building a religious prayer ground next to a sacred area which I think is most definitely something to think about. I don't think Obama handled this in the best possible way, but give the guy a break. He knows what he's talking about.
In conclusion, my dear Muslims, New York City is a large and vast metropolis. You will find another place for your beloved center.
References (I only trust the Brits):
http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_8913000/8913937.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/newsnight/8931657.stm?ls
Abridged, I disagree with its construction. Why? Let's get some factual information before we continue.
The actual mosque was in the works prior to the September 11th attack and isn't planned to be built at Ground Zero itself but roughly two blocks away from the hallowed ground. It will not solely be a mosque but also a pretty lavish community gathering place for Muslims complete with all things community-friendly and for this, I will refer to it as a cultural center. The CC is intended to be a Muslim institution but will instead be run by a board of members of all different religions. Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf, the founder and brains behind this project, believes the center will "amplify the nature of [their] work."
Seems harmless, so why oppose it?
I'm going with a different route. I have NO problem with Muslims wanting to celebrate their religion and culture with a center dedicated for people in New York City to utilize. I do, however, have an issue with the nature of the project. This is purely opinion here, but I don't think the true essence of this center is really there anymore. As an idea, I believe it STARTED as a plan for the Muslim people to have a place to exercise their Islamic beliefs safely, but as radical (and even non-radical) Americans learned of this project, the controversy took away from the original meaning. As expected, many Americans do not want to see a mosque be put up just mere feet from the ground where thousand of innocent civilians died from an alleged Muslim terrorist attack. (I say alleged because to this day, we have not received any actual proof of Muslims being behind it and so I will remain politically correct.) They see it as a slap in the face, as almost a surrender to terrorists and Muslims alike (because half this nation sees them as the same thing anyway.) And honestly, it almost is. You wouldn't put a swastika near a historical concentration camp, would you? This is rowing in the same boat.
But that's not why I oppose the center. Like I said before, some people are absolutely radical. They are so politically hard-headed that they will go to great lengths to get their point across. Hitler, bin Laden, Stalin, Castro, all radical political leaders who led nations to do carry out the things they believed. I understand there are not many like that, but there are enough to put an entire community in danger. If this center is built, every Muslim who attends is in severe danger of being victimized by a radical. It only takes one to cause destruction. Just one.
If this center is built, it will only be done to be politically correct. It's less about the betterment of the Muslim community and more about making a point that America is "friendly to all peoples". It just doesn't seem worth it, to be honest. I'd rather not put millions of people in danger just to preserve the caliber of the constitution.
Obama seems to agree with me. I'm not trying to defend the guy in everything he does, but this particular situation I will. One speech, he seemed to favor the project and the next speech, he didn't. Sounds very John Kerry-esque, no? What many people seemed to miss was that in the first speech, Obama agreed with the RIGHT of the Muslims to build the center, yet in the next, he did not agree with the morality. His first speech's point was about their political and constitutional right to built a religious prayer ground, which I will agree is a little redundant and unnecessary because that wasn't really the issue. His next speech questioned the saintliness of building a religious prayer ground next to a sacred area which I think is most definitely something to think about. I don't think Obama handled this in the best possible way, but give the guy a break. He knows what he's talking about.
In conclusion, my dear Muslims, New York City is a large and vast metropolis. You will find another place for your beloved center.
References (I only trust the Brits):
http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_8913000/8913937.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/newsnight/8931657.stm?ls
Out of Commission
I don't like this.
Lately I feel out of place. I'm not myself at all. I feel depressed, down, sad, quiet, unhappy, all things opposite of my natural optimistic self. It's coming out when I speak to people, too. I've been giving sheepish smiles and condensed answers when people talk to me. I don't talk to people with the same tone and mood as I usually do and I feel like it's slowly pushing everyone away. Rightfully so... who wants to be around negative energy? I certainly wouldn't, that's why I live a positive life.
I kind of feel like my dad is the same way with me, too.
Today we did an old school Indian tradition where we circle chili peppers around my dad's head and throw them in a fire to symbolize the burning of all things evil. It's a way to ward off the evil eye and send our prayers to God. Now I'm not really one to be religious but right now, I'm taking to anything that will give me hope for my dad and his future. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
I think I'm losing myself.
Lately I feel out of place. I'm not myself at all. I feel depressed, down, sad, quiet, unhappy, all things opposite of my natural optimistic self. It's coming out when I speak to people, too. I've been giving sheepish smiles and condensed answers when people talk to me. I don't talk to people with the same tone and mood as I usually do and I feel like it's slowly pushing everyone away. Rightfully so... who wants to be around negative energy? I certainly wouldn't, that's why I live a positive life.
I kind of feel like my dad is the same way with me, too.
Today we did an old school Indian tradition where we circle chili peppers around my dad's head and throw them in a fire to symbolize the burning of all things evil. It's a way to ward off the evil eye and send our prayers to God. Now I'm not really one to be religious but right now, I'm taking to anything that will give me hope for my dad and his future. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
I think I'm losing myself.
Deliquesce
This past week was an extremely hard time. My father has been feeling ill for the past month or so and last Monday, August 16th, he felt weaker than ever. My mother rushed him to the ER where he stayed for the whole week. Test after test after test was done to figure out what on earth could cause such a discomfort in health. This wasn't the first time my dad's been rushed to the ER so at first it was no big thing. A couple years ago, he had received radiation treatment for prostate cancer and part of the side effects was prolonged fatigue even years later. He's gone to the hospital for this a few times in the past year so we automatically figured it was the same reason. But in the past, they pinpointed the problem quickly and he was discharged that same day, maybe the next if it was bad enough. This time, as the week progressed with no answers to show, the worried began. Each day was harder to deal with than the one before because each day passing meant more time not knowing. Finally, the results of a biopsy responded to our questions with the worst news anyone could ever hear.
On Thursday, August 19th, 2010, my father was diagnosed with advanced regenerating liver cancer.
At first, it didn't seem real. Liver cancer doesn't happen to anyone you know; it happens to the people you read about or hear about. It's never a possibility for you or your family.
Then it sunk in. My father has liver cancer. Advanced liver cancer that could potentially take his life at any given time. Liver cancer that already has and will continue to change my life forever.
My dad is probably the strongest man I know. He's facing this with the most optimistic attitude and the most open mind any cancer patient could have. He's taking it as it comes and is willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it like the fighter I know he is.
I, on the other hand, am not taking it so lightly. Lately I feel depressed. I can't even explain the depths of what's going on in my mind, but it's a mixture of anger, sadness, fear, annoyance, love, hatred, who knows what else. I'm trying to be strong for my dad's sake but I just can't because I'm emotionally wrecked right now and I don't know what to do. I can't keep a game face on like my sisters are telling me to do. I can't help that my emotions are what they are. I don't want to fake a smile or fake happiness. I'm feeling something and I don't feel like I should have to hide it for everyone else. I can't talk to anyone without them trying to have all the answers for me. I appreciate everyone's concern and support because it means the world to know I have people who care so much around me, but at the same time, I want to be alone. I want the chance to gather my thoughts peacefully so I can come to terms with the intensity of this situation and how much it's going to affect us. I'm sick of everyone thinking of me as just a little girl. This is one of the hardest things I have to go through but I need to go through it by my own means. I will try to be as strong as my dad to help him get through this triumphantly. If he beats this, it will be by love and strength alone.
I didn't realize just how big of a deal this was until family members from near and far have been coming by to pay their respects. Our house has been full of people coming in and out since Wednesday and will stay like this for a long time.
I feel a little guilty because I can't help but think the worst. What if my dad doesn't fight it? He will never see me graduate college, become a lawyer, get married, have children. He will never see me live my adult life and prove that I am so much more than the little kid he thinks I am. I'm being selfish right now but I'm worried about the future. It's so uncertain and I HATE that.
I'm debating whether or not to go to San Diego anymore. More than ever, my family needs me here and I am moving at the worst possible time. I don't want to stop living but I don't want to not be around and regret having let moments pass.
Too much on my mind right now.
On Thursday, August 19th, 2010, my father was diagnosed with advanced regenerating liver cancer.
At first, it didn't seem real. Liver cancer doesn't happen to anyone you know; it happens to the people you read about or hear about. It's never a possibility for you or your family.
Then it sunk in. My father has liver cancer. Advanced liver cancer that could potentially take his life at any given time. Liver cancer that already has and will continue to change my life forever.
My dad is probably the strongest man I know. He's facing this with the most optimistic attitude and the most open mind any cancer patient could have. He's taking it as it comes and is willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it like the fighter I know he is.
I, on the other hand, am not taking it so lightly. Lately I feel depressed. I can't even explain the depths of what's going on in my mind, but it's a mixture of anger, sadness, fear, annoyance, love, hatred, who knows what else. I'm trying to be strong for my dad's sake but I just can't because I'm emotionally wrecked right now and I don't know what to do. I can't keep a game face on like my sisters are telling me to do. I can't help that my emotions are what they are. I don't want to fake a smile or fake happiness. I'm feeling something and I don't feel like I should have to hide it for everyone else. I can't talk to anyone without them trying to have all the answers for me. I appreciate everyone's concern and support because it means the world to know I have people who care so much around me, but at the same time, I want to be alone. I want the chance to gather my thoughts peacefully so I can come to terms with the intensity of this situation and how much it's going to affect us. I'm sick of everyone thinking of me as just a little girl. This is one of the hardest things I have to go through but I need to go through it by my own means. I will try to be as strong as my dad to help him get through this triumphantly. If he beats this, it will be by love and strength alone.
I didn't realize just how big of a deal this was until family members from near and far have been coming by to pay their respects. Our house has been full of people coming in and out since Wednesday and will stay like this for a long time.
I feel a little guilty because I can't help but think the worst. What if my dad doesn't fight it? He will never see me graduate college, become a lawyer, get married, have children. He will never see me live my adult life and prove that I am so much more than the little kid he thinks I am. I'm being selfish right now but I'm worried about the future. It's so uncertain and I HATE that.
I'm debating whether or not to go to San Diego anymore. More than ever, my family needs me here and I am moving at the worst possible time. I don't want to stop living but I don't want to not be around and regret having let moments pass.
Too much on my mind right now.
Laxity
Last post was in April?! I suck. I really do.
Short recap because FAR too much has happened since then:
-finished at Moorpark
-rejected from NYU (but I got over it quickly)
-accepted to USC
-decided on UCSD
And that's that! I move to San Diego in September. I'm excited but nervous, but right now it may or may not happen. Next post will explain why.
Short recap because FAR too much has happened since then:
-finished at Moorpark
-rejected from NYU (but I got over it quickly)
-accepted to USC
-decided on UCSD
And that's that! I move to San Diego in September. I'm excited but nervous, but right now it may or may not happen. Next post will explain why.